You’ve been having a blast together, and you found “the one” at last, but suddenly your connection feels more like exhausting polarization… It’s the stuff of twin flames and soulmate lore: Too much drama and all-absorbing emotions bring what seems like instant passion with an undercurrent of tension, imbalance, and stress.
You start to feel like you are being kept in an emotional tug-of-war when you want to relax into the easy peacefulness possible in a twin flame or soulmate connection. When you first fall for each other, the future looks full of promise, but then things change. You are not alone.
Twins with the sole purpose of spiritual partnership or twin flame soulmates are intensely passionate beings by nature, so falling in love is going to be a powerful experience indeed! But once the initial excitement wears off and you start to get to know each other through everyday life, it will become clear that you have some significant differences.
One of you may be more intellectual; the other might be more emotional, playful, or physical. You will likely have different worldviews and vastly different approaches to life.
It is not always one partner who evolves faster – it could be that you both go through an intense process of growth toward your soul’s purpose and awakening to your spiritual nature and mission in this life together.
These differences can be positive if both partners consciously work on themselves and their relationship. Still, they often become problematic as you try to integrate them into a shared reality. And for some people, especially those who have led a fairly solitary life before this union, it can feel like their partner is trying to force them into a mold and change their identity.
This struggle can breed resentment and anger, leading one partner to want to control the other. The more you try to change each other, the angrier you get and the more resentful your twin feels (and vice versa).
The process will involve pain. Unless both realize growth doesn’t come from changing yourselves or each other but from within.
No one has the power to change anyone else; you can only change yourself and then inspire your partner to follow suit through your example.
This approach can only harm the relationship if both people are equally committed to growth and healing, which is often a twin flame or soulmate situation.
To help you understand your differences and learn to deal with them in a way that does not trigger resentment, anger, or a craving for control, I have come up with a few simple yet powerful techniques that can help you turn things around in your relationship.
It’s about loving yourself enough not to let your partner trigger feelings of resentment, anger, or craving for control and learning to transform these emotions into positive energy for self-empowerment AND relationship growth instead.
Here is what you need:
(1) An open mind, heart, and spirit.
This will not work if you are not ready to let go of resentment or anger. You must be willing to see your twin’s behavior in a new light — from a loving place of wanting the best for both of you. It takes a lot of maturities to stop fighting each other long enough to gain clarity and see things differently. And it would be best if you were willing to see and accept your part in this struggle so that you can work on changing these self-sabotaging patterns for good.
(2) A willingness to change yourself — to transform old, negative ways of reacting into new, positive ones.
You will not give up who you are but instead let go of old, conditioned reactions so that you can respond to your partner from an empowered state. The goal is to eventually internalize these new ways of responding to become part of who you are at the core.
(3) Patience and determination.
It’s about more than getting quick results. You can’t change anyone else or get them to love you differently overnight, but bit by bit, your partner will start to see the changes and respond in kind (if they’re willing).
But if they’re not, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed, and what it means is that you’ve probably triggered feelings of insecurity or fear in your twin about being abandoned, rejected, controlled, suffocated, etc. And you’ll have to be patient while they work through these issues.
But again, if your twin isn’t willing to work with you, that’s a sign that this relationship is not spiritually aligned for you and that they may not be your twin flame or soulmate.
(4) A willingness to forgive, release resentment and let go of any desire to control your partner.
If you want this approach to work for you, you’ll have to do the inner work necessary to heal from past betrayals or disappointments with others so that you can let go of the need to control your partner and trust that they have your best interests at heart.
It is not about being a doormat but rather about loving yourself enough to be willing to respond differently in times of unease. Love has no room for getting others to behave in a certain way or prove their love through their actions, and it only requires you to respond in kind and give others the space to do the same.
(5) The willingness to show up and be present for your partner lovingly- even if they’re not doing the same for you.
If you’re not willing to be there for your twin flame no matter what, this is probably not for you. The techniques work because they create an emotional environment in which safety to be authentic and vulnerable exists. So if your partner feels that you’re frustratingly unavailable, it will trigger old fears about being abandoned or rejected — causing them to put up walls or distance themselves from you rather than risk exposing their true feelings and getting rejected or hurt. So if your twin flame wants to run, you will be unable to convince them that they should stay with words alone. They’ll either feel it in their heart — which will lead them back to you — or they won’t, which is a sign that the relationship isn’t for them.
(6) The willingness to not settle for less than your twin flame or soulmate — and to let go of the need to be right all the time.
But this isn’t about having an ego and judging other people. It is about embracing a new way of seeing things and relating with others that requires you to rise above any old patterns of ego-driven behavior. In other words, it’s about being willing to sacrifice your need to be suitable to create a loving, harmonious relationship that serves both parties. That doesn’t mean that you can’t have healthy boundaries or speak up when you’re not treated with respect — so long as you do so in a loving way that inspires others to respond with love.